


Pathetic

by Yazu



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Projecting, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-03-08 13:10:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18895291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yazu/pseuds/Yazu
Summary: In the safety of his own room, Sougo could do whatever he wanted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something purely self indulgent with me projecting a bit too hard on Sougo _(:3

In the safety of his own room, Sougo could do whatever he wanted. It was the only thing his mother could do for him. Even if his father decided about everything in his life, as soon as that door closed, he was free to decide how he would spend his free time. Given he didn’t have much of it anyway, he treasured those moments greatly, his room becoming an equivalent of a safe space.

However, he had never indulged in such things before. Sure, Sougo had had partners, the relationships shallow and purely carnal, but he never allowed any part of them to come into his sanctuary. It was a place for small diy works, for relaxation and fun, and most importantly for music. For safety, love and kindness. No person in his life matched this description therefore no person in his life could taint this space. Even the servants had no access. In fact, cleaning the room by himself was also one of his enjoyments.

\- What is going on with me…

Laying on his bed, Sougo looked at the tv that was stopped on one frame. The big screen showed a close-up from the most recent Trigger’s live, frozen on the picture of smiling Tsunashi Ryuunosuke. The sight made something wiggle in his guts, unfamiliar warmth spreading through his body in waves. He had seen that recording an unholy amount of times but still couldn’t get used to it. The way that silky hair framed his face, his tanned skin glistered with sweat in the stage light, his golden eyes shone like scorchingly hot, melted gold. How his long fingers held the microphone in a certain grip, his muscles moved whenever he danced, how his costume slid up when he jumped, showing Sougo a glimpse of that wonderfully sculpted stomach-

He wasn’t supposed to bring anyone into the room. Even though he had watched countless music videos and concerts in there, he never really /invited/ the people on the screen into his heart. He loved their music, their performance, their work… Not themselves. Somehow, Tsunashi-san had invited himself into more than just tv, occupying Sougo’s thoughts for much longer than should be allowed. Was it the kind smile that never left his face? Was it just carnal desire? He couldn’t rule out either of them. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke was absolutely his type, his body appealing in every possible way to the little gay Sougo was, yet it wasn’t entirely /want/. _He is shaped like a huge… stuffed bear._ Even though he should be intimidating, there was an air of gentleness and care surrounding him, and it was ruthlessly drawing Ousaka in. He wanted Tsunashi-san. In every possible way. If it was him, Sougo would let him come into his room, into his life. Maybe even never leave? Staring at his unmoving face, Sougo found himself yearning to touch that skin. How would it feel? To be /close/ to him? To talk to him? See him in person? _To be loved by him?_

He almost could hear his father uttering “pathetic” in a disgusted murmur. Honestly, he would agree with the man. There was no other way of describing this want, this need that could never be fulfilled. No money, no connection or favor would bring Tsunashi-san to him yet he still couldn’t help indulging in it, the image of possible future where they meet. Where they get close. Where they become lovers. Sougo automatically pressed the play button, unfrozing the scene on the screen. Music once again reached his ears, a beautiful harmony between their voices and personalities. Soon the song ended, bringing yet another talk corner. “Thank you all for coming to see us!” He already knew their sentences by heart. He apologized in his mind and skipped the part where Gaku and Tenn speak. He already heard it, that’s not what he wanted. With a familiar cough Sougo’s heart skipped a beat. “Aaah, there is so many of you! Thank you for coming here to meet with us!”

Without realizing it, Sougo reached out with a hand, trying to grasp the man on the other side of the screen.

\- Everything for you, Tsunashi-san…

It’s a scenario he had imagined many times already. They accidentaly meet outside the arena, Tsunashi-san invites him for a coffee, and they cuddle, and- Sougo groans. His stomach was twisting itself in every direction, both from guilt and desperate yearning. He wanted to trust this man… this idol. Or anyone. He wanted… so many things, yet all he could do was curl up on the bed, replaying the same few sentences over and over again. “I love you! Let’s sing together!”

\- Mmm… I love you too, Tsunashi-san… Let’s sing…

Truly pathetic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small continuation, sort of? It gets more nsfw but the theme is the same, me, being a pathetic bitch,

The sheets beneath his body were soft. Silky in touch, they had a fresh smell and gently caressed his skin. It felt good. Everything felt so good. Sougo looked down, violet irises concentrating on the brown hair adoring the head of the person laying on his lap. As if recognising his gaze, the man moved, his beautiful, beautiful eyes shining like a melted honey looked at him. Sougo's fingers tangled in the brown strands played with them absentmindedly while their owner nuzzled his face into Sougo's hip bone. A small sigh escaped his mouth when the man left a wet kiss on his skin. 

\- Tsunashi-san… 

It felt so good. Those golden eyes were looking at him with such love and dedication. Everything was perfect. Ryuunosuke lifted himself on those strong arms and gave Sougo a kiss. He melted in the sweetness, allowing his lover to continue with whatever he wanted. That's what he wanted too. To belong to Tsunashi-san, to be marked with his scent, his bites, his love. His thoughts quickly scattered as those warm hands cupped his face. Their gazes met and he drowned in them, so eager to submit, to leave everything to him. Soft lips marked his eyelids, his forehead, nose, cheekbones, cheeks, every place on his face. It felt so good, so calming and relaxing. With every kiss he felt he was Ryuunosuke’s entire world. Beloved, beloved world, a person that meant more than life itself. There was nothing but them, as it should be. Pale fingers touched the leather collar that adored his beloved’s perfect neck. He wore it voluntarily, as a sign of his devotion. It looked mesmerizing, black and violet ideally contrasting the dark skin. He belonged to Sougo. The golden chain connected to the collar was wrapped around his hand. It felt so good. He could possess, and he could submit. Ryuunosuke would never leave him alone. He would never even think of it, never get enough of him, never too tired, never uninterested. Sougo would… never be alone again. The very thought sent shivers through his body. It felt so good.

- Tell me what you want, my dearest… I will give you everything.

That deep baritone caressed his ears like a silky scarf. It sounded so powerful. He wanted to be protected, to be held in those strong arms and kept away from everything that hurt. In his embrace, everything would be always alright, the world would always be good. Nothing bad could happen, Ryuunosuke would stop it. They could just stay like this forever, and everything would be perfect.

- I want a kiss.

Tsunashi smiled and obliged. His smile was so beautiful Ousaka’s heart almost stopped. Everything, every bit of this person, only his, forever his. This time, Sougo caught him by the hair and deepened the kiss. He could be a little bit forceful, Ryuunosuke didn’t mind at all. He loved every part of Sougo, even that bad one. Even that part that wanted to put him in a cage and keep locked for eternity, away from everyone. He still wanted him even after learning of his darkest desires. At some point they parted from the kiss and Sougo felt so light. Everything was how it should’ve always been. 

- Love me… More and more.

- I will. More and more, for the rest of the time.

And he did. Starting by kissing every part of Sougo’s body, he-

 

Someone knocked on his door. Sougo immediately snapped the laptop shut and looked at the visitor that invited themself into his room with panicked eyes. Mitsuki had a towel on his shoulders, he probably just finished the bath.

- Sougo? Are you alright? You weren’t answering…

- Uhh, you called me? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything...

Mitsuki furrowed his brows but didn’t comment on it. Sougo quickly slided his laptop back into the bag and started frantically searching the room for his nightwear. He couldn’t take too much time, the others still waited for their turn to relax in the bathtub.

- Are you alright, Sougo? You-

- I’m fine! I’m perfectly fine, so don’t worry!

His voice might’ve been a tad too high but he finally found his pajamas so Sougo snatched the towel he hung on the heater and hurriedly passed by the older man.

- If you… say so…?

Sougo quickly went into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. That was close. He got so invested in writing he almost got caught… There was also other, quite irritating problem that needed his attention. A part of him almost cursed Mitsuki for coming at the best part, just when they were to- Sougo groaned and slid to the floor. How did he become like this? Writing fanfiction of himself and his work colleague that he then proceeded to jerk off to? But… He couldn’t touch Tsunashi-san, no matter how much he wanted it. All he had were those fantasies… Of the world where everything felt good and right. He groaned again, his erection was getting painful.

- I should hurry… The others are waiting...

Closing his eyes, he went back to that room, to that place where the world was under his control. The vision of Ryuunosuke touching him and kissing him and /being/ there brought him to an orgasm even faster than usual. Sougo shamefully wiped every place he dirtied with those disgusting, pathetic fantasies and lowered himself into the bathtub. He was already a worthless scum, so imagining that he laid there with his beloved wasn’t such a bad thing… right? Right?

- I want to go back quickly… And finish that scene...

After all, living in that reality felt good. Better than the bitter, bitter truth.


End file.
